Divorce and Separation

To find a marriage that has lasted more than 15 years these days is something to be revered. It should be celebrated with verve! It is a rare commodity.


Divorce and separation has risen to it's highest levels. Despite religious beliefs and values, it has become "the norm". Not without good reason. Also at it's highest levels are infidelity, drug and alcohol abuse, and domestic violence. Yes, divorce has left an "easy" way out for many troubled marriages. The values that our grandparents and parents held as traditional are no longer accepted. In other words, we don't have to put up with it. Nor should we feel guilty or belittled because of failed marriages.


I have been divorced now for 11 years. I have been separated for 4...long story. But the main idea is that my ex-husband was a drug addict. Heavily addicted to crack cocaine. Unfortunately, our three children have suffered the most from his addictions. After many years of battling with him over his addiction, the final separation was in order.

What was most important in our relationship was our children. In weighing all options, it was most beneficial for them to no longer be exposed to his behavior. Do I feel guilty over my failed marriage? No. I did my best to help him and help our marriage, but I was fighting a losing battle. Should I spend the remainder of my life the way it was because I made vows? No. My vows were made to a man that no longer existed. Do I feel condemned by my religion? No. I doubt very seriously that my loving God had hopes for my continued misery. Do I feel sad? Yes, of course. I wanted my marriage to work. We had three children together and the family that I had is not something that I can ever have again. There is no substitute for the biological mother and father raising the children together.

If you are going through a divorce or separation, I empathise with you. If there are children involved, I empathise more. It is a devastating life event, not to mention emotionally draining. I urge you to keep a clear head and think of your children. What is best for them? Do not take your feelings towards your ex or soon-to-be ex and try to use the children as leverage or in gaining the upper hand.

I have learned to focus my energy on my children. They are my family. It is their happiness that I strive for. I pray for their health and their safety but I actively take on the role of their happiness. It is up to me and I cannot do that for them, if I am miserable. Learn to accept your situation and become empowered by the fact that your energy must be focused on them now.

My childrens father is in their life very minimally. Sporatic phone calls and the occassional holiday card. It is up to me to be mother and father to the best of my ability. There is no replacement for the missing or absent parent. I must say this puts a strain on my social life, but my kids are more important. In the end, they will still be there for me, the way I am there for them. When they thank me for something I have done, I teasingly tell them they can repay me with regular diaper changes in my elderly years.

Take your focus off of your negative feelings and use them to create positivity for your children.

SingleMomtothe3rdPower